Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Thursday, 13 October 2011

A NEW CHAPTER.

hello! at about 3.00am this morning, i came to the realisation that i am strongly represented on social media sites. i have a digital presence on Flickr, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and Google+

i'm drowning in social media outlets! the obvious solution... it is time to engage with yet another platform; yay for blogging!

I used to maintain a blog, but it was of the damaging, bitchy, high-school girl variety. i want to do something different, and i want this to be, as much as possible; about providing original content for my digital interactions.

PS all the entries posted prior to this are from, literally, years ago. the vast majority is poetry (of the try-hard emo variety). i make no apology for that, it was part of the journey.

some of my sketches




harry potter fan art. circa 2008.



24 February 2010

leaving home. leaving you.


in the quiet moments
i can't escape the hurt,
lost in lovely reverie
now to stumble in the dirt.

i wish there were a button
to erase what i have seen,
to simply start again
a conscious whole and clean.

i lack will to tell of
the wound across my heart,
mired necrotic tissue,
a secret not to part.

i reflect on what was given
all that i've tried to do,
only to fall to anguish
for the pain in lieu

please give me a reason
not to turn away,
i don't want to leave
but its killing me to stay

16 September 2009 - A Resignation

the sky is heavy with steel,
and a lone child watches
lost in the metallic spectacle
a perfect mirror of her eyes

lost in an ocean of clothes
searcheing for vanished things
a smile left on a memory
faces etched in dreams

sheets of ghostly rain descend
but girl-statue moves not
head tilted, heaven-bound
mud-cemented to the earth

13 August 2009 - Blame Stick

its really not that funny 
but i’m smiling and amused 
the shrink says i’m detached 
broken and confused 
i’m laughing through the bruises 
while you rant and rave 
i’m picking up my blame stick 
and flinging it your way 

preach to me please! 
can I get an hallelujah? 
but scratch away the surface 
there’s really not much to you 
proveth my point!
are you really so blind? 
i thought you’d do better
than to simply be unkind

success is yours!
i’m done. congratulations? 
perhaps one day i’ll write to you 
and send my salutations 
do you really walk like Christ? 
like Buddha, Mandela… Gandhi? 
think that you can change the world?
well that’s just fine and dandy

i wish that i could wish you well
but i look back in sorrow 
for there never was a person
who’s soul you couldn't borrow

24 June 2009

sniffle, cough take a drag
…i’ll be in the cold
seeking absolution
as the world revolves

a sneeze, a yawn ,a swallow
lying now in bed
thinking of the prose
i could have used instea

18 June 2009


swift darkness falls
shadows creep
all my life reduced

the twilight calls
statues weep
yet no sound produced

26 March 2009

breaking down a person,
the smallest state of being,
human comprehension
shattered in the breach

every single hour
the ground beneath us spinning
at speed barely comprehensible 

in the vacuum of space 

and you ask solemnly 
what is the meaning? 
i wish i could tell you 
everything will be fine 

the micro-expression 
in a nano-second sighted 
gives away the secret 
you're a scared little girl 

the ever present question 
driving evolution 
you'll find yourself 
when you stop telling lies

15 February 2009

i've given everything i have
i've thrown money at ya baby
i've dressed-up like a maniquin
to fit with you, to fit with you

i don't know who i am
i don't know what i'll be
i've dressed-up like a lawyer
to fit with them, to fit with them

i'm staring at the wall
i'm lost in silence this night
i've dressed-down like an idoit
to hide myself, to hide myself

i'm too afriad to breathe
i'm clutching at my knees
i've dressed-down like a coward
to humor to you, to humor you

i'll fight the better fight
i'll take the higher ground
i've dressed-up like a liar
to heal myself, to heal myself

i've dug a bitter hole
i've made sacrifices baby
i've dressed-up like a friend
i'm tired now, too tired now

11 September 2008


Hiding in the mirror,
in a world i cannot see.
There's a refracted reflection,
the girl i ought to be...

A fixed and rendered image,
staring feircly at the wall.
The fourth dimension captured,
in speculum down the hall.

Hiding in the mirror,
where all parallels collide.
There's a version of my being,
who does not run or hide.

06 July 2008


if i could take a single moment
and shape it for all time
i'd choose a smiling memory;
when i held your hand in mine

if i could write a fleeting feeling
captured on the page
i'd craft it in all honesty
and tell of sadness, joy... or rage

if i could see a higher reason
in life's fallacious pain
i'd find the lord omnipotent
both in sunshine, and in rain

if i could breathe in your thoughts
by simply standing still
i'd plant my soles in virgin earth
yet never have my fill 

09 June 2008

"i am not alone"

if i pick up this telephone
i'll wait just to hear the tone
then drop it down again

you would call it crazy
i'll agree... its hazy
make a cross, then say amen

i want to call an ambulance
but it would spoil the ambiance
what an awful shame

if i just rest my weary head
tomorrow morn, i'll be dead
holding you close again

25 December 2007

We speak of only fragile things
We discuss the most inconsequential affairs
Fighting sombre reality
Fighting yearning, remaining hushed
And when, by fortune, I hear thy name
Light is brought unto the world

11 November 2007

words are fickle twisted things
we say not what we mean
after years spent mending
the truth breaks at the seams
where now is that perfect moment
a flawless random day
the stranger that i fell in love with
broken, slipped away

we miss you girl
where now have you gone?
i thought i knew you
but maybe i was wrong
i'm lost and lonely
you're not here with me
but i'll keep you in my heart
that's where you ought to be

08 September 2007 - A Lost Friend. A Eulogy.


When we grow old, with grey seeping into our very bones, when the last beauty of youth fades, I will still be sitting right by you. When all around us seems to be in winter, I shall remind you of the springs we shared. Of forays into fancy, and the roads that we travelled.

When all seems to be drowning in pain and sorrow, I will catch a twinkle in your shinning eye. I will laugh, I will smile, even if it brings an ache to my heart. When quiet surrounds you, and you are lost in silent contemplation, I will grasp your frail hands in my own. All will be well. When we have lost the ones we love, and minds begin to wonder in the wilds of time, I swear, I will remember every single moment with you.


When anger stirs in my consideration, I will think of you and your soothing verse. I will be calm. When I have said last goodbyes' to others, I will call on you for comfort. We will think of them together. 


When I think of giving in, I will look to you. You are my guide. Even unto to the very end of my days. For, although I lost you long ago, in the days of proud youth… I talked to you everyday - and knew that you were with me. 


Friendship like ours holds power over death, it knows no bounds. I do not say farewell, for we have many things to look forward to. Although, it will be hard, without your hand to lift the burden and your smile to light the way.


Evermore, I will seek you in dark places, and know you if (happy chance), we pass along the road. I will be strong. I will not despair. When the hour comes, I will run to you... Together we will walk into the great beyond...

08 September 2007 - Autumn Storm

As I sat and watched them, memories of an intoxicated season of joy submerged all thought.
Leaves of the most coruscating colour witnessed in waking recollection, were dancing as celestial snowflakes, on the restless breeze.
Ethereal storm clouds spoke of an ancient battle between earth and sky, yet I was content to witness their fury.
I could have sat there, immovable as stone, until the ages of this world had passed away.
For in watching withered foliage, I lost myself, and sorrow relinquished a glacial clutch upon my soul.
Those lost children, dead and jaded, caught in perpetual motion, were somehow my kinsfolk.
Frozen air whipped past me, speaking in the strange tongues of the primordial world, and I understood.
Gaia released her weaponry, light faded as the distant sun turned away, anxious leaves shone in the gloom.
I transcended to a higher realm, my vision focussed still on the heavenly flight of the rustic subjects.
Alas, the crusade ceased, and the realm of life was calm again, the autumn martyrs became still once more.
I departed that majestic garden, and realised I was in the midst of an awesome deluge.
Yet memory shall always speak of a divine glimpse into the aura of perception, where all burden is myth, and completion is but love.

05 September 2007

at the ball.

the music from the ball,
swells proudly from inside
the music from the masquerade,
tells of all joys now forborne

she speaks softly to the breeze,
'all of this... just chance'
she speaks softly to the flurry,
'how sweet... but only to a single glance'

soft light falls across her face,
black lines of mascara tumble
soft light falls across her frame,
the faded evening gown streams

wandering in thought,
unaware the strangers' gaze
wandering in recollection,
unable to pick a foreign scent

turning her back on the gala,
her hair dances swiftly in spree
turning her back on the circus,
silhouetted against the haze

he speaks softly to her neck,
his voice gracefully mild
he speaks softly to her soul,
his aroma leaping in her perception

tears of jaded guilt cascade,
she remains silent as he turns away
tears of jaded guilt perish,
he slips back into the fog

cobalt eyes flash through the gloom,
old friends have become tired opponents
eyes flash through the veil,
just strangers met by fortune

both picturesque and harrowing,
she begins to smile
both picturesque and excruciating,
she laughs softly now

she's looking a little pale,
the nightide hides her hue
she's looking a little drawn,
there's no-one at her side

MS Paint 3

MS Paint 2

05 August 2007

incandescence morning sun, bereaves the midnight drift
opulence betrays the mood, of restless melancholy

could you, ever imagine, such a place as this?
where i can think in technicolour, and you are proud of it?
might i just go there, when rain is falling fast
to look upon my shaded world, fatigued with memories passed

how peculiar in this reverie, of silent reckless thought
so strange this atmosphere, that i can barely talk

riddles are written, upon your watchful face
eyes reflect troubled musings, that i fail to fathom
we pass beyond all solace, twilight dwindles hollow doubt

MS Paint

02 June 2007

its so hard to believe,
that i should have missed,
such a beautiful sunset.
and what a shame,
for all those moments,
that always go just unnoticed.

an ode to quiet discourse,
those seconds on your own,
where you're feeling fine and completely alone.
if i could shape and revisit time,
there's so much i would change,
but for me right now, that's all so far away.

for tonight i am just happy,
to be strolling quietly along,
to just by-myself and know that's okay.
and im in love with this lighting,
obsessed with the breeze,
and so happy to be feeling a little like me. 

20 May 2007

Everyone's so full of shit 
-full of shit, full of shit 
And I can't stand the sight of it
-the sight of it, you're full of shit
Everyone's so full of shit -full of shit, so full of shit 
And I see right through it
-right through it, you're so full of shit




SO HATE ME, STAIN ME, LOVE ME
D
RAIN ME
HATE ME, 
FEIGN ME, DRAIN ME

BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME?

Everyone's so full of shit 
-full of shit, full of shit
And I can't stand the sight of it
 -I'm tired of it, you're full of shit
Everyone's so full of shit
 -full of shit, so full of it
And I see right into it
 -into it, you're full of shit



SO HATE ME, STAIN ME, LOVE ME
D
RAIN ME
HATE ME, 
FEIGN ME, DRAIN ME

BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME?

19 April 2007

its so very, very lonely
and this place does not feel homely
talk to me, please, my friend.
the world outside getting is hazy
and i am feeling lazy
back to the bottle, again.

i am standing, watching waiting
and there's something i'm anticipating
what it is, i'm so unsure.
the cigarette i hold is burning
i focus on that sense of yearning
and i keep praying footsteps at my door.

take me to a place of rest,
i don't think i will pass this test
fatigue captures all my mind and soul.
hold me just a little longer
just until my heart feels stronger,
i keep looking for something to make me whole

17 March 2007

there was a moment,
it faded almost as it came.
i realised suddenly,
it was me who had changed.

you are still beautiful,
cold and remote.
i have drifted,
no longer afloat.

the years it seems,
are passing by.
i wasn't aware,
that we were no more.

hold me under,
i seem to struggle for air.
the life that was given,
i want to return.

where are you going?
now fading away.
it seems we were children,
just yesterday.

01 March 2007

a song. a theory.

24 hour party people
living in my head
24 hour party people
wish they'd go to bed
24 hour party people
calling on my phone
24 hour patry people
won't leave me alone

(won't leave it alone, won't leave it alone)

24 hour party people
they're inside my head
24 hour party people
wish they all were dead
24 hour people
dancing in the zone
24 hours party people
wish they'd just go home...

(won't leave it alone, won't leave it alone)

28 February 2007

boys and girls

so i was just a little child,
you had grown so old.
i was just a baby -
and truth was all i told.

bikes with streamers, plaited hair,
hidden things and fun.
now my memories tie me down,
there’s nowhere left to run.

do you remember my backyard,
the black dog, her shaggy coat.
we built castle’s in the clouds,
and on those dreams we’d float.

a pair then came along,
we laughed in blissful glee.
i learned a precious lesson...
nothing is for free.

she was the first of many friends,
met along the road.
i told to her unhappy secrets,
she helped me bear the load.

a bottle came, its liquid poured,
before i knew your name.
but you loved me, beyond all doubt,
i'm sorry, i couldn't love you all the same.

i saw a golden sun set,
in the reflection of his eyes
he broke a little piece of me,
when he whispered gentle lies.

the next boy’s life was very fast,
a jagged mess of pain.
i was just sport to him,
the razor found the vein.

never did i care,
for their artificial ways.
i fed upon the idiocy,
and laughter filled my days.

i met him at a party,
he smiled and took my hand.
he told me i was beautiful,
then i could barely stand.

who did i grow into
what have i become
why did you leave me
weren't you the one?

26 February 2007

i haven't got the words
to tell you how i feel
i haven't got the gaul
to teach you how to heal

17 January 2007

a cut to hide the pain
a drag to stop the drain
a fuck to kill the shame

& i amount to nothing

a joke to hide the strain
a pill to stop the brain
a smile to plug the vein

& i amount to nothing

17 September 2006

im so tired,
so cold and lost.
while you're so wired,
you can't feel this frost.
im still drifting,
think i'll float away.
i got me thinking,
of your smile today...…

20 March 2006

The room spun into focus,
I emptied my body again
I searched for a familiar face,
And a favour from a friend...
I’m lost in this ocean,
A sea of Johnny Red...
And the only echoes I can hear, 
Are the voices in my head... 

I've gone away for a time,
While locked up in my room
A breath every now and then,
This body the only clue...
A map of white clearly drawn
Upon the liars wrist
A groan escapes the ashen face 
A night blacked from the list...

The sun gets up, the birds awake
And a cigarette is lit...
A cough to wake the body up,
An early morning hit.
I survey the emptiness,
In this pale morning light.
Then scribe upon the crowed page,
The demons of this flight...